Paying attention seems like all we do when there are so many things to attend to... the key to paying attention is to stay present, in the here and now. I have to admit this is a very difficult skill to acquire and maintain and it takes practice. Once you bring yourself into the here and now there is room to be intentional.
Being intentional starts with paying attention to what needs to be done. Maybe your spouse says you don't help enough, don't listen, stay on your computer too long, seem distracted -- any of these sound familiar? Start with getting in the hear and now and notice if maybe you could adjust a behavior. This is where being intentional comes in. To make change in a relationship you must be deliberate in your action and you can even choose the action you take, such as, have a few moments of eye contact when someone speaks to you or even ask, what would be helpful, and do one thing.
It takes bening in the hear and now, paying attention, and being deliberate to create a change in relationships.